My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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