garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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