I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
