So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
