end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
