I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
