Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
