How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
FUCK WHALES
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
