The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
