I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
