i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
