is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
