I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
