1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
