I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
