Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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