In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
