Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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