i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
