she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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