I wish you could order shots online.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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