he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
