I could have mohawked her pubes.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
