I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
