Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
