I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
