You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
