I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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