I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The best revenge is premature balding
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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