I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
