I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
