If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
