so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
