dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
