Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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