I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
