God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The power of my boobs compel you
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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