Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
