Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
