I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
