I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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