We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
this hospital has no fireball
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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