the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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