I wish I only lived at night.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
