I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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