I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
