that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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