i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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