"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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