I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
