the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
