If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
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