he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
