hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
