Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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