More tranny stories later!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
