Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
