I cockslap morals
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
