he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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