just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize