i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize