ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
