i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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