Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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