In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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