life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
