I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
