I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
