there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize