woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
