Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
