Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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