She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
