i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
