I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
