So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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