I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
