I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize