This house was built for laser tag.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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