so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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