party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
